Note: this post has some excerpts from comments from the past few days. Just wanted to have it all in one semi-coherent, handy post. This is similar to Cute Jewess’s post on juggling – as she mentioned, we’ve been e-mailing each other about this of late.
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As I wrote earlier, I had a lovely night (and morning) this past weekend with This Guy, with plans to get together next weekend (this week is quite busy for both of us). He’s not much of an e-mailer or caller, but certainly makes up for that in face time – very smart, funny, polite (and have I mentioned, quite sexy?).
So now I’m in limbo.
I can’t help but wonder what will come of this – my usual impatient “wanting to read the last page of the book”. Will this be a casual FB situation? Could he become a boyfriend, or will he disappear onto the mysterious bus? It doesn’t help matters that he has a three-week-long business trip coming up, followed by my own business trips this summer.
I know myself -- in this early stage with This Guy, if I didn't have other guys to half-focus on, I'd certainly drive myself crazy waiting til the next time I'd see him. I have no interest in sleeping with anyone else. Most likely it will be my usual merry-go-round of first dates that don’t lead to a second. (Then again, I do have one of those rare second dates this week, with T-1000. Anyway…)
Such is dating life in New York. From what I’ve heard from international friends (English, German) when you start dating someone in their home countries, it’s assumed that you’re just going to see each other.
Here in NY, assume the opposite.
My experience has been that you’re both dating other people until you have “the talk” that states that you’re exclusive – especially since online dating has become so mainstream. And even when you might think you’d be in an exclusive situation – eg, seeing each other every other day – you just never know.
Last summer, I dated BikeRacing Guy. We saw each other a few times a week (he lived just a few blocks away) and right from the start I had no desire to date anyone else. After about three months I brought up the “are we exclusive?” talk, and discovered that while he hadn't actually dated anyone else, he still wanted the option to do so, and still kept his J-date profile active. Not surprising, we broke up soon after. At the three-month mark, I feel that if you're not ready to TRY being exclusive, there's just no point.
Another reason to multi-date (early on)-- and I HATE that I have to think about this: I'm in my mid-30s, and I do have to consider that I'd like to find someone to possibly marry, possibly have kids with. Have to be as time-efficient with this as possible. I wish I could meet a guy and date him exclusively for him for X amount of time til we get to know each other... but I just don't have that kind of time. Tick, tick...
So getting to know a few guys at once seems to be the best plan for now, knowing that as we get to know one another, one of us may slip by the wayside. (shrink discussed / approved!)
Saying that... I realize it could still take YEARS (if ever) for me to meet a guy with whom I'd want to start a family. Suffice to say, I'm open to adoption.
DescriptionJeudi 14 novembre à 20h30 au Cinéma le Capitole à Uzès, Le Ciné des Possibles, J’enracine et Terre de Liens vous proposent la projection de
La théorie du Boxeur de Nathanaël Coste (En quête de sens)
Il sera possible de se restaurer avant le film et un moment convivial organisé par Pollen, la buvette du tiers-lieu, clôturera la soirée.
Synopsis :
Les excès du climat frappent de plus en plus durement le monde agricole. En 2022, la sécheresse crée un véritable électrochoc dans la vallée de la Drôme. Nathanaël Coste, géographe de formation, enquête chez des agriculteurs bio et conventionnels pour qui le temps de l’adaptation a déjà commencé. Sur le terrain, les approches diffèrent, qu’elles reposent sur les technologies, les stockages d’eau, la gestion des sols ou l’agroécologie.
Alors que la moitié des fermes va changer de main d’ici dix ans, le film questionne agriculteurs et chercheurs sans a priori pour repenser notre façon de produire et construire la résilience alimentaire d’un territoire.
Description
Les associations Geckologis et J'enracine s'associent pour proposer le spectacle "Le début du monde / Piano Vélo Tour de France", un conte musical pour "sortir de la nuit démocratique".
Rendez-vous le samedi 13 avril à 17h30 à Geckologis.
Tout public.
Prix libre conseillé à 12€.
Réservation idéalement sur HelloAsso (ou auprès d'Anne-Marie au 06 84 33 26 49).
Projection débat au Capitole d'Uzès : Tu nourriras le monde
DescriptionJ'enracine et la Confédération Paysanne du Gard vous proposent la projection du film "Tu nourriras le monde" Le 9 novembre au cinéma Capitole d'Uzès.
La projection sera suivie d'un temps d'échange et un apéritif vous sera offert.
Finally seeing TC tonight, for the first time in over a month, and I’m nervous. In the past, after one of us had been away, I’d prep for his visit by lighting candles and putting on mellow music. This time, I think I need to play it safe – no overtly romantic welcome planned. Trying to keep it as neutral as possible until I assess his vibe.
Our phone conversations felt a bit stilted over the weekend – details about both our trips, work, etc. He finally threw me a bone when we made plans, and he added “looking forward to it”. That’s about the extent of his warmth these days.
In the meantime, I’ve had a very nice distraction: a guy friend e-mailed me, saying a friend of his saw my Facebook profile, and wanted an introduction. Said friend then e-mailed me a bit about himself – let’s call him Skydiver, as he does that quite regularly – but also mentioned that he’s only recently out of a long-term relationship, so if I’d like to meet up, maybe we could do that a few weeks down the road? (OK…) I wrote back, no problem, take your time. So we’ll see. I must admit, it’s nice to have a possible Plan B.
Another very fun distraction: went dancing last night with a group of friends, and our group got along swimmingly with a group of very cute Aussie guys, dancing up a storm. Numbers were exchanged before the guys left – and a few hours later, one of them called me (I missed the call) but didn’t leave a message. I doubt anything will come of it – I think he’s too young, I’m guessing about 6 or 7 years my junior – but the dancing and flirtation was heaps of fun.
Wish me luck tonight! I’m feeling queasy just thinking about it. Stupid, I know. I just can’t get over that terrible feeling that a relationship with the first guy I’ve really liked in three years may be coming to an end.
I know, he’s not the last guy on earth – and if he’s not interested, well, he’s just not the right guy for me. And blah blah blah, the right guy will come along someday, etc. I’m just wallowing in this today… I’m sure tomorrow (or the next day) I’ll be back to my optimistic, fabulous self!
Soirée de lancement du premier financement participatif
Description
À l'occasion du lancement de sa première campagne de don, J'ENRACINE vous invite mardi 9 juillet de 18h30 à 20h30 à la Ferme des clos d'Uzès, impasse des clos d'Uzès à Montaren, pour découvrir l'association et échanger autour de ses projets.
Événement public
Oui
Début de l'événement
09.07.2024 - 18:30
Fin de l'événement
09.07.2024 - 20:30
Adresse
Ferme des clos d'Uzès, impasse des clos d'Uzès
Had a third date with Mr. Recurring last week. I had a fabulous time, and thought he did as well. A friend had given me tickets to a show (lots of fun), followed by dinner a wonderful, warm restaurant where I know the owners -- amazing, lovely people who treat you like family. He texted me the next day to say "thank you" for a fabulous evening.
A few days went by before I heard from him again -- he apologized for not being in touch, as he'd been a bit under the weather. No mention of getting together again... and since I pretty much helmed the last date, I'm leaving the next one in his hands.
That is... if there is indeed a next one? Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but I just have a feeling that this is it. Done. If a guy is really into you, wouldn't he want to know (within a reasonable amount of time) when he'll have the chance to see you again?
A friend told me that since it's only been a few days since I've heard from him, it's too soon to tell whether or not he'll contact me for another date yet -- but I need to trust my gut, and mentally, at this point it's easier for me to write him off. If he contacts me -- great, I'll be pleasantly surprised, and will be very happy to see him again. But for now, I'm not going to be sitting by the proverbial phone.
Reminder: I'm being a little cautious in regards to him because as I wrote in an earlier post, he pulled one of those dating disappearing acts on a friend of a friend of a friend. Don't know details, but that has remained in the back of my mind.
Other guy news:
Martin, the short guy: we had a first date two weeks ago. Had a second date planned for last week -- he called that afternoon to cancel. That was fine by me -- I shouldn't have planned a Sunday evening date to begin with, as I like that chill time before a busy week.
He then left a message a few days later -- he had a friend visiting from out of town, but would like to get together once he's free. I e-mailed back, sure, just let me know when.
He then texted today, saying he was going to be in my neighborhood this afternoon, and would "love to hang" with me. I generally have no problem with being spontaneous, but I'm not a fan of the last-minute date request. I texted back that I wasn't free today, but to let me know if he'd like to plan something for later in the week. (note use of the word "plan").
Ha - then there's this guy I'll call Red Flag Guy -- there were a few red flags from the start:
1. his profile said he lived in Brooklyn, but in his first e-mail it came out that he lived in Bumfuck, New Jersey -- over an hour away. BUT he's planning on moving back to the city later this year.
2. no pics in his profile -- when I asked him to send some, he had only one to send. Really...?
3. right away, his e-mails were ridiculously gushy: he was smitten by my eyes, etc.
For some reason, I continued the e-mail exchange for a few days -- part social experiment, part staying-distracted-from-Mr-Recurring. When RFG left a message on my voicemail addressing me as "hey, sexy...", it just felt too icky to continue.
And -- not surprising -- when I told my friend A about him, she said he sounded familiar -- turns out he'd done the same thing to her when he contacted her last year, sexy-talk and all.
In my funk over Mr. Recurring, I found this ridiculous, hilarious website and it immediately improved my mood. Enjoy!
The problem was, she couldn’t seem to see it. In fact, she really hated just about everything her body was, and because she judged herself so harshly, I began judging myself more harshly, and it began spiraling into this weird, “don’t look at me I’m hideous, let’s only have sex with the lights off” thing.
This, of course, eventually came up in couple’s counseling as our marriage began unraveling. The advice our therapist gave us, I believe, is still some of the best advice I’ve ever heard on the topic.
She told us to go home. Turn on all the lights. And, taking turns, strip down until we were buck naked, and lay on the bed in front of the other. “I want you to lay there for at least ten minutes,” she told us. “Then, flip over and lay there ten more minutes while the other person does nothing but study you.” My wife and I both looked at each other with disgust and fear. The counselor finished with, “then switch places and do it again.”
Oh dear lordie, that was a terrifying idea. I can only guess what was going through her head. Probably a laundry list of every imperfection she felt she had and how harshly I would judge her for all of it if she actually did this thing. I don’t have to guess what was going through my head, I remember it clear as day. I don’t want her staring at my ponch! I don’t want her staring at my fat rolls! I don’t want her staring at my flaccid penis! I don’t want her noticing that my butt is flatter than an ironing board! The thoughts kept going.
And for some reason, we agreed to try it.
But we never did. Not really. What happened was, we got home, put the kids in bed, retreated to the bedroom to complete our “homework,” and argued for ten minutes about who had to go first. We settled it with a coin flip or something silly like that. She lost. Then we debated for another twenty minutes about whether we should turn off the lights and light candles or actually do it with lights blaring as we had been instructed. Then we started reeling off and apologizing to each other for every physical flaw we had that would soon disgust the other. And finally, she said, “let’s just do this.” She stripped down naked faster than an over-eager teenager on prom night and jumped onto the bed. I wasn’t watching her. She made me promise not to look until she was ready. My face was buried in my phone, ready to hit start on the timer.
After too long of a gap (ok, really not that long... about a week and a half) had a lovely evening of catch-up with New Guy. When we're together, it's fabulous and very promising... but even he admits, he's not great about keeping in touch in between those times. I continue to try to remain patient.
We talked about the frustrations of internet dating -- he hasn't done nearly as much as I have. He added something along the lines of, he doesn't have much free time these days -- but the time he does have, he'd like to spend getting to know me better. I wish I could remember verbatim how he said it -- the implication (at least as I heard it in the moment) was that he's not dating any new people right now.
Damn my foggy memory! At the moment, I was pretty giddy on the inside, while trying to remain cool on the outside. I chose to not dwell on the subject -- will just continue to see how things develop.
However -- this was nice -- I just checked out his J-date profile, and saw that he hasn't logged on in over two weeks. Well, that's encouraging!
Been back in touch with Super Cutie of late -- a few e-mails exchanged (he's been out of town a lot for work), and most recently, he suggested getting together next week.
I think I'm going to officially pull the plug on him: one, I already feel that there's not much chemistry there... and two, I like New Guy enough that I'd like to give that fledgling relationship a shot, and just date him (without declaring it out loud at the moment). I'd like to stay friends with SC -- stay tuned!
Question of the day: I have a good friend's party coming up in a few weeks. Trying to decide whether or not to invite New Guy. I haven't met any of his friends yet. He met one of my friends over dinner once, but that was mainly due to timing... she was visiting from LA, and he was just about to go out of town. Will try to get a temperature on the vibe between now and then.
Anyway -- while I do think about New Guy a lot these days, the election is first and foremost in my brain. I'm obsessed with following campaign coverage. Even having trouble focusing at work -- just can't wait for fricking Tuesday already!!!
Go Obama!!!
ps. I mentioned a guy in my last post -- Smiley -- we met at a bar through mutual friends last week and exchanged cards. No word from him. Just as well! I'd almost forgotten about him, til I reread my blog post.
UPDATE: I just e-mailed Super Cutie something along the lines of, "I've been seeing someone else, would like to see where it goes, but would like to stay in touch with you as friends". Will let you know if he responds.
